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579 posts
  • Football

49ers Offer Terrell Owens Ceremonial One Day Contract; Owens Criticizes QB, Insults Coach, Plans Holdout

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
49ers Offer Terrell Owens Ceremonial One Day Contract
San Francisco 49ers management announced on Friday the team’s intention to sign free agent WR Terrell Owens to a ceremonial one-day contract. But upon seeing the terms of the deal,…
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  • Football

“Raiders Game Will Be A Real Challenge For Us,” Says Peyton Manning While Making Wanking Motions With Hand

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Raiders Game Will Be A Real Challenge For Us
DENVER – QB Peyton Manning, whose 6-2 Broncos take on the 0-8 Raiders in an AFC West showdown this Sunday at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, described the upcoming game as, “a…
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  • Football

“Calvin Johnson is Gettin’ Laid Tonight,” Says Calvin Johnson

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Calvin Johnson is Gettin
DETROIT – After powering the Lions to a 31-30 victory over the Dallas Cowboys by catching 14 passes for 329 yards, Lions WR Calvin Johnson Jr. loudly announced to everyone…
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  • Football

ALT UNIVERSE: Jerry Jones Refuses To Answer Reporters Questions

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Jerry Jones Refuses To Answer Reporters Questions
Jerry Jones, the notoriously media-shy Dallas Cowboys owner, once again refused to answer reporters’ questions concerning his teams’ struggles, stating, “Sorry guys, I prefer to let my football guys handle…
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  • Blog

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Brandon Weeden, Browns in 1st Place and… Holy Crap, They Really ARE?!

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Brandon Weeden
CLEVELAND – In a crazy, alternate universe that’s completely opposite to our own in every way, Brandon Weeden and the Cleveland Browns defeated the Buffalo Bills to take over sole…
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  • NFL

ALT UNIVERSE: Dolphins Sure Glad They Gave Drew Brees Second Physical

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Dolphins Sure Glad They Gave Drew Brees Second Physical
(article premise suggested by PFM reader “Jaigunda”) As the 2013 NFL playoffs begin, the Miami Dolphins, aiming for their 3rd straight Super Bowl championship, sure are glad they gave quarterback…
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  • Football

Adrian Peterson Concerned Vikings Playoff Push May Distract Team From Pursuit Of Rushing Record

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Adrian Peterson
Minnesota RB Adrian Peterson, currently attempting to break Eric Dickerson’s 28 year old single season rushing record, is concerned that the Vikings’ quest to qualify for an NFC wild card…
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  • Football

49ers Ray McDonald Sure Glad No Secret Footage Exists Of That Time He Punched His Fiancée

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
49ers Ray McDonald Sure Glad
SANTA CLARA, CA – In the wake of the sudden release of Ravens RB Ray Rice, whose shockingly violent domestic assault on his then-fiancée was captured in February via a…
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  • Football

Aaron Rodgers: “Pay Me Like Tony Romo, or I’ll Start Playing Like Him”

  • August 3, 2021
  • admin
Aaron Rodgers
Let’s talk about contracts for a second. Do you know what I’m scheduled to make this year? $9.25 million. That sounds pretty good right? But hang on a second. Let…
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