Former New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator Greg Williams, who missed the entire 2012 NFL season after being suspended for his role in the “Bountygate” scandal, began his new job with Tennessee on Friday by calling a meeting of Titans defensive players, pointing to a nearby groundskeeper, and announcing, “Hey, I got twenty bucks for anyone who breaks that guy’s leg over there.”
Titans players, already unsure as to why they’d been summoned into team headquarters during the offseason, simply looked at each other in bewilderment as the animated Williams continued.
“Listen, we’re not gonna apologize for how we’re going to play. This game is a production business. Respect comes from fear,” Williams said, as he pulled a twenty dollar bill from his pocket and held it up for everyone in the room to see. “Now, my friend Andrew Jackson here would like you to go and beat the shit out of that gardener!”
While serving as the Saints’ defensive coordinator from 2009-2011, Williams operated an illegal bounty fund through which players were paid for injuring opponents, in violation of NFL rules. After missing the 2012 season, Williams was reinstated by commissioner Roger Goodell on Feb. 7th, and was immediately hired as a senior assistant defensive coach by Titans head coach Mike Munchak.
“Okay, so the league gets their panties all in a bunch when we go after the quarterbacks, right” shouted Williams, as he whipped his players into a frenzy. “Well then, let’s focus on someone else. What’s this game about? Yardage, right? And who controls the yard? And the grass? And all the flowers and trees and stuff? That guy!” he said, while pointing at the middle aged groundskeeper slowly raking leaves from the team’s practice field.
“And you know what they say: if you kill the guy that grows the plants that feeds the head, then the rest of the snake will die. SO GO GET ‘IM!” at which point the enraged Titan defenders began charging at the back of the unaware groundskeeper, who was listening to a slow jazz medley through the earbuds of his iPod.
