According to a new survey by ESPN Sportsnation, a full 13% of Americans are hoping to see an Atlanta Falcons-Baltimore Ravens Super Bowl matchup on February 3rd so that they will be free to get some work done out in the yard that day.
“Falcon-Ravens in the Super Bowl? That’d be great,” said Ken Sanford of Phoenix AZ. “I’ve been trying to find a day to head outside and finish painting that fence. That would be the perfect opportunity.”
According to the survey, 38% of participants would enjoy watching the San Francisco 49ers battle the New England Patriots for the NFL championship. Both teams have enormous fan bases, and storied histories that include multiple Super Bowl titles.
“A Pats-Niners game would be classic,” claimed Jessica Cohen of Coral Gables, FL. “Think of the storylines. Brady vs. Kaepernick would pit an aging legend against a rising young star. Plus you’d have two great dynasties facing each in the big game for the first time. Not to mention the whole ‘east coast versus west coast’ thing. It’d be epic. But on the other hand, Atlanta against Baltimore would give me the time to weather seal the back porch, so that’d be good too I guess.”
In the same way that classic Super Bowl matchups have resulted in massive simultaneous flushings of toilets worldwide during halftime, a Falcons-Ravens matchup is expected to produce an unprecedented run on gardening supplies and other outdoor repair equipment at Home Depot in the day leading up to the game.
“Yeah, my wife’s been after me for a few weeks now to get out in back and fix this one leaky sprinkler pipe,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “It’s been hard to find the time, especially with all these great playoff matchups recently. And on February 3rd, I’m supposed to be in New Orleans for the Super Bowl to present a trophy and do some other work stuff. Frankly, if it ends up being Atlanta-Baltimore, I just may beg out of it to stay home and work on that pipe.”
