Jim Irsay, owner and CEO of the NFL’s Indianapolis Colts, apparently had his Twitter account hacked late last week by what expert language analysts say is, “a young suburban teenager, probably a 12 or 13-year-old girl.”
The 53-year-old Irsay, who was probably furious Thursday when the teen hacker tweeted, “TRADE WINDS BLOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,” has not yet publicly commented on the assumed prepubescent hooligan, probably because he’s trying to contact the girl’s parents so they can give her a good scolding, sources speculated.
As the weekend brought fresh tweets from the mischievous grade schooler which read, “I can bring u NFL Manos to the edge of the water,but I can’t throw you n,that’s called tampering..but FOE REEL…the sh*t is HOT,STAY TUNED!” and, “No,trade winds still howlin’…but only time will tell if they were ghostly vapors or a flesh n blood upgrade!!!!!!!, Irsay, who has managed the world-famous NFL franchise for sixteen years and has a personal net worth of over 1.4 billion dollars, never once expressed frustration over the continued pranking, presumably because, as a powerful and wealthy businessman, he is far too professional to stoop to the level of an obviously poorly educated youth.
When news broke Sunday afternoon, that the Colts had completed a trade for Miami Dolphins CB Vontae Davis, the hacker once again seized control of Irsay’s account, writing “Sum of u slow infants 2 running an NFL team..you draft the right players,hire the right coaches n management to succeed,that’s Ownership!”
“Well, this is just awful. Whoever wrote this is practically illiterate,” said Andrea Carmichael, an English teacher at a local Indianapolis area middle school. “Obviously, no successful American businessman would produce drivel like this. Whichever adolescent punk is responsible for this garbage, I hope she gets caught and I hope she gets grounded.”
Continued requests for a statement from Irsay’s office for this story yielded only a single email replay which read, “hav2 get bck 2 u on dat,” followed by seventeen exclamation points and an animated gif of what appeared to be some sort of cartoon rainbow cat flying through outer space on a toaster pastry.
