Mark Sanchez, the fourth year quarterback of the New York Jets is fucking terrible, and needs to have his overpaid ass sent to the bench as fast as humanly possible, reports a new study from the National Organization of Sports History on Individual Tendencies.
Sanchez, according to the N.O.S.H.I.T. study, fucking sucks giant donkey balls, and has an arm like a spazmatic eleven-year old girl. Furthermore, concludes the study, he’s too fucking stupid to not throw the ball into triple coverage with the game on the line, even when he’s been intercepted three times already in the previous three quarters.
“After exhaustive research on Mr. Sanchez, including hours of study on his year-to-year statistics and countless weeks watching him perform on Sundays, we have arrived at the conclusion that he is an enormous fucking wastoid, and if he’s not the single lousiest quarterback in the entire history of the goddamn NFL, then he’s certainly in the bottom three or four, according to our data,” said lead researcher Thomas Gurdy at a press conference held in the N.O.S.H.I.T headquarters.
Jets head coach Rex Ryan says he is aware of the Sanchez study, but has not yet made a decision on his starting quarterback for this Sundays’ game against San Diego.
“Obviously, Mark’s struggled lately,” Ryan told reporters. “Trust me, he’s as disappointed as anyone about our season. But I still have faith in him, and think he’s going to be the quarterback of the New York Jets for many years to come.”
“That’s not surprising,” said Gurdy, when informed of Ryan’s remarks. “It only supports the hypothesis we presented in last week’s N.O.S.H.I.T study, “Rex Ryan Is An Overblown Windbag With Absoutely Zero Fucking Ability To Recognize A Player’s Football Talent, Or Lack Thereof.”
